Saturday, November 10, 2012

Day Something... I'll do the math later.

OK! I'm back! Finally! I do apologize for the long absence. With all that has been going on the past few weeks I've been a lousy... er... non-existent blogger. I'm hoping things are back on track now and I can keep them that way.

So have I behaved all this time...

Not really. I had a complete melt down in which I consumed every high calorie food I cold get my hands on. I drank Coke. Not just ONE coke, but several. Which, in my humble opinion, is one of the worst things I could do. Plus, it now means that I'm battling that massive withdraw again.

I also downed chocolate, and pizza, and hot dogs, and chicken wings. It was bad... really bad.

I really don't know why I did this to myself. I knew it wasn't going to make me feel better. Realistically I just sat there in my pile of food containers and wrappers and coke bottles and hated myself.

I'm sure I've probably regained everything that I had lost, but I'm to terrified to get on the scale and see just what the damage has been. I have daily arguments with an inanimate object (aka: my scale) about how it can't make me look. It's really quite sad, and I'm beginning to think I need help. Haha.

My exercise routine has been pretty sad too. I did pop onto YouTube a couple of times and pull up a quick fifteen minute workout here and there and complete it. But I spent more time scouring through the workouts to find one that didn't look “challenging”. Kinda defeats the purpose if you just pick the easiest exercise you can find and do it.

So yesterday, I decided that in order to make-up for being a fat slob I really needed an exercise that was going to kick my butt. Jillian Michael's to the rescue. Cardio Kickboxing to be exact.

I literally thought I was going to die at multiple spots. However, every time I was just about ready to lay down and drown myself in the growing pool of sweat, this would happen:

HOLY SHIT! It's like she KNEW! It was creepy, and I was honestly AFRAID to stop. All I could think of was a sadistic Jillian Micheal’s appearing in my living room and forcing me to do 6 hours of some extreme ass exercise because I stopped when she said not to. However, this is why I love Jillian. She pushes people past their comfort zone and shows them just how strong they are. The accomplishment I felt when I did that last rep and completed the cool down was insane. I mean, I've had plenty of accomplishments in my time. I'm smart, talented, and have plenty going for me under all this flab, but it wasn't the same as knowing my fat ass body wasn't going to crap out when Jillian demanded I jump an imaginary rope until I felt like my lungs were going to explode. It's good to know.

On a bright note, my binge pretty much killed ALL the fatty food out of the house, and I'm left with celery and apples, and other low fat snacks. So, at least I don't have to get rid of all of it again. Could be worse.

I now have to focus on surviving the holiday season. That's gonna be tough. Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and my family throws down for Thanksgiving, big time. It's insane, and no where near healthy. I also can't forgo the food without offending them, so I have to eat it. For a normal person, this shouldn't be a big thing. However, in the past, I've taken it as an opportunity to disengage from my diet for 2 months and then forget to start over. I can't do that this year. I've got to be balanced. I have got to be good til Thanksgiving, allow myself to indulge for one day, and then be good after Thanksgiving. It sounds so simplistic written out on here, but trust me, it isn't. I'm gonna need a lot of help. In fact, I may need to be held prisoner in a room and rationed healthy foods for a few days afterward. It's that bad.

I'm also thinking that I should start a list of goals, big and small. Just stuff I want to be able to do without falling over dead as I shed all the extra weight, or even just some things that I want to feel comfortable and confident doing (like taking a photograph without immediately wanting it destroyed). So look for that in an upcoming post.

Finally, I'm looking for some challenges, some of those small monthly challenges that people seem to get involved in on other blogs. It seems like it would be a good way to stay focused and make one small change each month. So, if you hear of any that look fun please let me know about them. I'm not looking to run a marathon or anything crazy, just some small stuff.

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